A Thousand Tears
by Hilseo
Summary: A thousand thoughts can be expressed in a single tear. Most of the time, we think tears only mean sadness. But a tear can also mean joy, anger, regret, defeat…a tear can express everything. Different settings, AU or not, all featuring Sakura and others.
1. Gratefulness

**A Thousand Tears-Gratefulness**

Hello there, everyone!

I've been working on this for a while now, so I hope you'll enjoy it! :)

This will be a series of one shots, all featuring Sakura, sometimes with pairings, sometimes without. Most of the time I am inspired by an anime or a song, so i will say it in the beginning. The theme of this is, as I wrote in the summary, the different kinds of feelings expressed through tears. At time you may disagree with the feeling I am portraying, but that's okay. Everyone has its own views on tears and feelings.

I warn you though, this will be mostly sad (because, well, usually a tear is linked to a feeling of sadness) but there will be a few happy ones. If I can keep writing.

I can't promise I'll update regularly, but I'll try.

A/N: Finally, I could put it as a whole!

 **Summary:**

A thousand thoughts can be expressed in a single tear. Most of the time, we think tears only mean sadness. But a tear can also mean joy, anger, regret, defeat…a tear can express everything. Different settings, AU or not, all featuring Sakura and others.

Chapter 1: Tears of Gratefulness (Goodbye.)

 **Pairing:** Sakura centric (SasuSaku)

 **Type:** Tragedy & Romance

 **Warning:** Character death.

IF YOU ARE CURRENTLY READING/WATCHING NEGIMA, DO NOT READ THIS UNLESS YOU ARE PAST EPISODE 23 OR YOU RISK GETTING SPOILED (is that how you say it?). And I don't know when it is for the manga, so I advise to finish reading the manga before reading this.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Naruto, or any of the characters. And I don't own Negima.

 **Inspiration:** The story of Asuna from the anime Negima. Ok, this is completely the same storyline, but with different characters. Okay.

 _"The only true painful goodbyes are the ones that are never said and never explained."_

The alarm clock went off, the sound echoing loudly in the quiet pink-haired girl's room. Usually a hand would shot out from under the covers, blindly reaching for the noisy device until it slammed it to the ground where it would grow silent. That would be followed by a groan, and a pink mob of hair rising from the pillow. Then, the strong body of a teenager would stand up to start its everyday routine. Usually.

But not today.

And never again.

For the young woman was already up by the time the clock rang, and she did not move when the quietness of the room was broken. Instead, it kept vibrating on the nightstand, until it fell off the edge and grew silent. As if it understood the gravity of the situation, the heavy weight on the girl's shoulders.

She remained looking through the window, staring unseeingly at the midnight sky she will never reach. The sun had yet to rise.

Behind her, a calendar was glued to the wall. Each day had been crossed until the one with a black circle, so unlike the pink X's and hearts all over the rest of the paper. She tiredly glanced over her shoulder, straight at the black circle. 27th March.

Now, don't get her wrong. Her birthday's tomorrow, but she's not one of these teenagers who feel depressed by this day, because it means they've lived another meaningless year. She's not sad because no one will wish her a happy birthday. She couldn't care less about presents or cards.

Because her fate is so much worse. Even if she doesn't regret the choices she made.

 _"Sasuke-kun ! Please wait !"_

 _"Hn. You're annoying. Hurry up."_

Memories are swirling in her head. All for two boys, the two lights of her life.

 _"Teme ! You hurt Sakura-chan !"_

 _"Shut up, dobe."_

 _"What did you call me !?"_

 _The five year old giggled in the back. They're so cute when they argue._

Deep emerald eyes, so cheerful before; now dull and lifeless. A fake smile makes its way to her face.

She needs to hide. Hide your pain, your tears, your sadness. No one must know. She couldn't bear it if they did.

Today is the day.

 _"Sakura…who hurt you ?"_

Breakfast is left behind, barely touched. She can't bring herself to eat. Besides, it's not like she will need it today.

Goodbyes are said as the door closes. She knows that for her, it will never open again.

She looks over her shoulder one last time at her parents before their image fades behind the wood. Their smiling faces; that's how she wants to remember them when she…

 _"Sakura…"_

 _"Yes ?"_

 _The young Uchiha mumbles something incoherently, head bowed towards the ground. She swore she saw a tinge of pink on his cheeks._

 _"Sasuke-kun, I didn't catch what you said…"_

 _"I'm sorry."_

 _The child is startled. She's known him forever, but it's the first time she's heard him apologise. Especially to her._

She walks down the street, one foot after the other; she doesn't see the road. She's lost in her thoughts, in her memories. Only God knows how much time you need to relieve a lifetime of memories. She'd better start now. She doesn't want to forget anything. She doesn't have much time left.

She arrived at school. She wanted to spend the day alone, to be allowed to reminisce peacefully. But she can't bring herself to miss school. It's silly, but she's always been the perfect student with the perfect record. And she doesn't want anyone to think she'd committed suicide.

Because, no point in hiding it now. She's going to die tonight.

No, she won't kill herself. She's not sick either. But tonight, her life's going to be snuffed out like a candle's light.

Just like that.

No agonising pain, no sorrowful tears.

 _"Happy birthday, Sasuke-kun !"_

 _"Happy birthday, Sasuke !"_

 _"Hn. Thank you Sakura, dobe."_

 _"It's noth- hey ! What did you call me !?"_

 _"Dobe."_

 _"You, you…teme ! Even on your birthday, you're insufferable !"_

 _"Stop it, both of you !"_

 _The boys huff angrily, turning away from each other. They're six and it's Sasuke's birthday party. There are many people, mostly adults they don't know. But they found a deserted corner of the huge mansion to celebrate by themselves._

She goes to her locker, retrieving her books for the day. She keeps pretending. She keeps jotting notes on her notebooks even though she knows perfectly well she won't need them anymore. Before today, she was just trying to forget she didn't have a future. But now she can't lie to herself anymore, not when Death is so much closer than ever.

 _The rain was falling heavily on the three children's heads. Black clouds masked the whole sky, reflecting the dark thoughts of the young boy kneeling on a grave bearing two names. Behind the grave, a hundred others, created not two days ago, covered the whole area. All had the same last name: Uchiha._

 _Several hours ago, there was many people standing before these new graves, paying tribute to those lives that had been taken too soon, ruthlessly broken by a man whose face and name remained in the shadows. Flowers had been thrown on the marble stones as a last farewell to friends who'd never walk this earth again._

 _In the span of a few hours, Sasuke had lost his whole family. Parents, cousins, uncles, aunts…_

 _And brother._

 _Itachi had tried to hide Sasuke from the murderer. He could have run and saved his own life; he had been skilled enough to do so. But he couldn't bring himself to leave his little brother. As such, he remained behind while Sasuke hid in a house the killer had already 'visited'. Itachi was killed, and he was saved._

 _Or so he thought._

 _"Sasuke…" The pink-haired child called, unsure._

 _She didn't know how to help her friend, who remained frozen on the grave, almost as if he was in a world of his own._

 _She looked at her other friend, dressed in a dark mourning suit. He looked as though he was in pain. His gaze was glued to the ground, and his shoulders shook quietly. He never had a family he could call his own, but better than anyone, Naruto understood the pain of losing one's precious people. Even at eight year old._

 _The two children exchanged a look; they didn't know if they should let him mourn over that grave, or help him home, at Naruto's, where he would live from now on, with Iruka as his guardian. It would always be better than going back to his house, now forever tainted with blood and screams. There would be no more laughter, no more jokes, no more teasing._

 _Only emptiness and the echo of a once happy child, whose smile and laugh had been forever locked inside._

 _For the first time of their very short life, the three children didn't know what to do._

A bell rang, startling Sakura out of her memories. They had been eight when it happened…and she would soon turn eighteen.

Ten years.

For ten long years, she had kept the secret of this night. She had never told anyone what happened after she had found Sasuke. She'd merely said she had had a bad feeling about that day, and had run into Sasuke, unconscious on the ground, but that there had been no trace of the killer.

Of course.

How could humans understand the doings of a demon?

Sakura shivered, and resolutely focused on getting to her next class. She didn't want to think about _him_ , or about that night.

Even if it was the beginning of the end, before anything even started.

She sat down at her desk, ready for another period. Two down, four more to go. She desperately wished Time would stop and give her a few more hours. She might have spent the past ten years thinking about today, preparing herself for what was to come…in the end, she wasn't more prepared now than she was then. She had tried, but there was now nothing more to do. She felt herself start shaking, but she refused to break down. She couldn't. She didn't regret her decision. A tear threatened to fall from her eyes. _No, no, it must not fall ! It must not! I won't be weak! I promised myself I wouldn't ever, ever cr-_

Something hit her head and fell on her desk, successfully distracting her from the depths she had fallen into. She raised her head and met the eyes of her rival and friend, Ino, the most popular girl of Konoha High, and one of the most beautiful.

The two had met after the Uchiha tragedy, when Sasuke had started to distance himself from them. Both her and Naruto had decided to give him space, but it had been hard. That night had separated them all, and Sakura had found herself bearing alone the weight of a decision that would be vain if they drifted apart. Ino had found her crying under a cherry blossom tree, after having been mercilessly teased for her looks-something that had never happened since she had become friends with Naruto and Sasuke. But now, her knights in shining armour were both gone, and she was unable to protect herself. Ino had been the one to bring her out of her darkness, and the one who encouraged her to rebuild the relationship she had with the two boys. Ever since she succeeded in doing so with Ino's help, she promised herself she'd never cry again. That she'd never be as helpless, as weak as she had been that day. And she'd kept that promise all throughout those painful years, never crying despite how much she longed to, never breaking, never faltering. Always staying strong.

Sakura giggled internally at the piece of paper in her hands. The blonde had broken her phone a few days ago, and had yet to buy a new one. That didn't prevent her from exchanging messages with half of the class and never getting caught. However, the smile that threatened to overcome her face faded away as soon as she read the text.

 _'Yo, Forehead! Be at Sasuke-kun's house at eight tonight. We're doing a group study, and I need you! :p'_

The pink-haired girl frowned. If she went there, she wouldn't be able to spend her last hours alone, like she wanted to. But on the other hand…

She wanted to say a proper goodbye to her friends, even if they wouldn't realise it until morning. She wanted to remember them as happy, laughing; joyous teenagers full of life and with promising futures.

Futures she wouldn't be a part of.

 _'Sure, Pig. You probably won't leave me alone until I come, right?'_

She wrote her answer on the back before carefully looking at the teacher. Kakashi was still reading his damn book, and wasn't paying attention to anything. Good.

With great dexterity, Sakura threw the paper over her shoulder, right at Ino. However, she hadn't counted on Shikamaru suddenly raising his head, causing the message to hit his head and fly higher than she intended it to. As a result, Ino stood up quickly, panicked, trying to catch it before anyone could see. She put her knee on the desk, arched her back, threw her right hand and…caught it with a triumphant smile.

That is, until her name was called by Kakashi.

"Yamanaka-san, can you explain why you're half-standing on your desk in the middle of my class?"

"Hm, well, that's because, ha, you see, hmm…there was this huuuuuge fly above Shikamaru, and um, well, I thought I should kill it before it, um, attacked someone?"

Ino didn't sound convinced at all, and Kakashi didn't seem to buy it either.

"Well then, Yamanaka, you'll stay after class to learn the difference between a harmless fly and a wasp. And next time you're sending messages during my class, you'll get detention for a month."

Ino sat back and groaned. _Looks like she won't have extra time to get ready for tonight,_ Sakura chuckled quietly. She could always count on Ino to make things interesting, and to make her forget. As the hour came to an end and the students began emptying the class, Sakura looked at her friend over her shoulder, giggling at the crest-fallen expression on her face. She truly was one of her most precious people.

She felt at peace now. She knew she could get over it. As long as she didn't forget she had friends, friends who'd never let her down.

Friends who could always cheer her up.

Sakura closed the door behind her. She may not be able to see her again before the end. But she knew there was nothing more that could be said. Save for one thing.

 _Thank you, Ino._

Time flew by without her notice. She couldn't quite remember what each of her classes was about, but that's okay.

She won't need the knowledge after tonight.

The bell rings for the last time, signalling the end of the day. As the students slowly emptied the classroom, Sakura remained behind under the guise of writing the teacher's notes on the board. That was nothing unusual; after all, Sakura had always been very dedicated to her studies, and never missed an occasion to learn. Thus no one wondered why she was staying long after school was over, alone in a classroom, seemingly still working.

Even if this was Friday, and she had a group study to get ready for.

No one works on Friday evening.

Not even Sakura.

But she was seated in the back; and despite her bright pink hair that can't be missed in a crowd no one noticed her, or the pen hovering above her notebook without ever touching it.

Now, don't think no one would miss her, or that she was invisible to her classmates. No, it's just that they learnt not to disturb her when she appeared to be working. Ever. The last one who had tried discovered she had a mean right hook, and served as a warning not to mess with her, lest you wanted to become another name on the long list of Sakura's temper's victims. And trust me, there was no volunteer.

However, as she was lost in her thoughts, a soft voice spoke to her.

"Sakura-san."

Sakura raised her head and met the kind, lavender eyes of Hyuuga Hinata. Naruto's girlfriend. She could still remember how she had helped the shy, quiet purple-haired girl confessing to the ever oblivious knucklehead. Sakura smiled fondly at the memory. She remembered how the meek Hinata had looked so determined, eyes shining with love as she gave him the red scarf she'd knitted herself, while whispering 'I love you, Naruto-kun'. And the sheer happiness glowing in her eyes when he asked her out. The pink-haired girl smiled at her friend.

"What is it, Hinata?"

"Ino is waiting for you. She said you had to get ready for tonight."

Sakura nodded once and, satisfied, Hinata turned around and left, no doubt to get ready herself. But as she gathered her belongings, Sakura missed the way her friend looked at her one last time, with worry-filled eyes.

 _What's happening to you, Sakura…?_

But Sakura had always been a strong woman, one who always refused anyone's help. And since Hinata wasn't Sakura's closest friend, she decided not to say a word about it, but to talk with Naruto as soon as she could. He'd know what to do.

With that she left, and Sakura finished gatherings her books and pens in silence. But as she was about to close her notebook, she stopped, and gazed at the pages in longing. She'd never write inside again. All because of _him_.

 _"S…Sasuke…kun…" The child whimpered, watching with horror as her friend's gaze became dull and unseeing._

 _"My, my, what do we have here?" Hissed the tall, frightening man whose hand was still clutching Sasuke's throat._

 _Sakura's eyes widened in fright. That man…there was something about him…she couldn't quite put her finger on it. He had yellow, snake-like eyes, was moving faster than anything she'd ever seen…and who the hell had a tongue so long ?!_

 _"Well…aren't you going to talk, little one?" A hand stroked her cheek, and the child recoiled abruptly from the man. Her gaze consequently fell on the bloodied body of her friend, whose blood lay on the ground like a ghostly trail leading towards the snake's katana, dripping slowly from the blade. There was no doubt in Sakura's mind that Sasuke was dead…and she cursed her brains, for once, for it so conveniently informed her that she was probably next. How she longed to act her age and wait to be saved._

 _But, above all, Sakura loathed being weak. And as such, if she was already doomed, she decided she might as well learn as much as she could beforehand. So she wiped away all the tears from her face and stared defiantly in the murderer's eyes._

 _"You…are not human, are you?"_

 _And judging from the way the man's-more like creature's- smirk widened, Sakura knew she was right._

Sakura shook her head.

The memory still shook her the core when she thought about it. She had done a great job at not letting it control her life for the past ten years, but now that the deadline was growing near with each passing seconds…Sakura found herself getting weaker and weaker. She couldn't ignore the fact that this… _demon_ creeped her out, and with good reasons, too. After all, as she had learnt that day, the man had been a real demon, coming from Hell itself to seek revenge upon the Uchihas. From what he had told her that fateful day, Sasuke's clan had, at the time of their founder, Uchiha Madara, made a deal with him; power in exchange for the souls of some of their children, forcing the Uchihas to sacrifice their children for centuries before Uchiha Fugaku-Sasuke's father-had put an end to it when he became clan leader. No one else had dared to, for fear of the demon taking revenge.

And obviously they were right.

The demon came on earth and in the span of a few hours…he had punished everyone as he saw fit.

By a gruesome slaughter of everyone in the compound.

And Sakura had found herself amidst this bloodbath, at the wrong time, at the wrong place…or maybe it was the right place and time, despite the fate that would await her after this night.

She often wondered, after this night, if it was God himself who'd guided her to that place-to give a chance at rebirth to the Uchiha clan, through Sasuke. And through her sacrifice.

She shook her head; it would do her no good to reminisce now. It was not the time. Not yet.

Sakura took her bag and stood up, making her way towards the door and-she thought with a wince- the last time she'd see her friends, although no one but her would be aware of this fact. She closed the door hastily, remembering that Ino was still waiting for her, and stepped quickly into the empty hallway, rolling her eyes at the sound of Ino's wailings echoing throughout the entire school. In her haste to leave, however, she forgot something. Lying abandoned on the desk by the window, on the very back of the classroom, was a notebook; Sakura's notebook, where she had taken notes throughout the day. Or, at least, attempted to; because nothing was written on the pages, despite her classmates swearing she had had it with her the whole day, and that there was no way that Sakura wouldn't write anything on it; she valued her studies too much for that. They'd wonder for years what had happened that day, and the only thing they ever could deduce was that she knew she was going to die by the end of the day; all because of three little words, written in her neat handwriting on the right corner, at the bottom.

 _Goodbye Halcyon days._

"Come on, come on! We're late, forehead!" wailed Ino, dragging her friend behind. "They're waiting for us!" She stopped at the door, smoothing her purple skirt.

Sakura smiled half-heartedly.

"Don't bother hiding it, Ino. I know it's not a study group."

The blonde froze, and gazed at her best friend. Damnit, she knew Sakura was smart, but it wasn't the exact day yet, so how could she kn-

"You're throwing another party, right? And you knew I couldn't say no until after we were there…" Sakura shook her head. Ino was so predictable. But, to her surprise, Ino didn't curse or sigh. Instead, a pleased smile made its way to the blonde's face.

"Hehehe, for once you're wrong, Sakura! You'll see what it is about." Ino grinned, before wrenching the door open and shoving Sakura inside, and closing the door immediately afterwards so the whole house was engulfed in darkness. Nothing could be heard, but Sakura could tell there were people inside. Lots of them.

"Ino?" Sakura called, unsure, when she felt her friend leave her side. "If this is a prank I swear I'll-"

Suddenly the room was engulfed in light, forcing the girl to close her eyes as about thirty voices screamed together in a barely comprehensible sound.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SAKURA!"

Sakura opened her eyes and was met with a sight that made her heart clench in both happiness and deep sorrow. In front of her were all of her friends, under a huge banner where 'happy birthday, Sakura' was written in big red letters. She spotted the entire rookie nine, plus Neji, Lee and Tenten. She even saw a brooding Sasuke standing in a corner, mumbling something along the lines of 'why the hell does it have to be in my house…'

Sakura giggled lightly when Lee proceeded to tell him youthfully that he needed to be a true youthful friend and celebrate this beautiful event, the symbol of youth in a life.

The crowd parted, revealing a stage underneath the banner. Ino took her hand and shoved her on it, while Kiba gave her a microphone, motioning for her to start talking while the crowd quieted down to listen. Sakura stared at them, dumbfounded; she'd never done this before, on her birthday or for school. Besides she didn't see the point; yeah, she was turning eighteen, so what? Maybe for everyone else it was a big day, but for her…

They couldn't know it. She needed to act normally.

"I need to make a speech...?"She asked, confused.

"Yeah, come on, Sakura!"

"But it's not my birthday yet…"

"Yeah, but tonight's Friday, so we need to party! And besides, we'll be the first ones to wish you a happy birthday!" Ino grinned.

"Don't think; just feel!" Kiba shouted, while throwing confetti everywhere.

"I don't know what to say…" Sakura whined, unsure, and desperate to escape it.

"Say whatever you want!"

Sakura's features softened. Once they were determined to do something, they were unstoppable. And besides, maybe, just maybe…would it be so bad to tell them? She'd always thought she had to keep it a secret, that she had to shoulder it alone…maybe she could let them help her. She had dealt with it for the past ten years on her own; she might have no illusion that they would find a solution, she still wanted to tell them. So she could say a proper goodbye.

"Yeah, well, there's something I want to say…"

Sakura felt herself start trembling. Her knees shook; she…she didn't want to die.

She felt completely lost, as though her own heart was breaking in half from the dilemma it faced. Doubt and dread filled her being.

 _Blood. Blood everywhere. Bodies lying lifelessly on the ground before a frightened pink-haired child of eight…_

"But I don't know if I should…"

Am I ready to face them? Am I ready to say goodbye?

 _Yellow snake-like eyes. Creepy smile directed at the defenceless child. Ghostly white hand caressing her cheek in a mock gesture of comfort…_

"I…"

Can I look at them and just say it..? Can I bear their eyes full of pity and despair..?

 _Inhuman laugh. Bat-like wings as black as darkness itself, shattering the midnight sky._

"I don't know..!"

What's done is done. Your decision was made a long time ago.

 _Black ink on an ivory neck. A deal is made._

"Sakura..?"

 _Never to be told._

Sakura's shoulders fell, and she lowered her gaze to the floor. She couldn't tell them. It was her burden, the sacrifice she'd chosen to make. They couldn't do anything. And she couldn't bear it to watch them try to do something, while knowing it would be useless. She couldn't. Her voice was barely audible when she talked, her gaze hidden by the curtain of her hair.

"No…it's nothing…"

Questioning glances were thrown at her. This would be the last time she'd ever be happy. Her last piece of joy.

She wouldn't give in to despair. That would be playing right into his hands.

Taking a deep breath, Sakura blinked her tears away and raised her head with a triumphant smile. She launched her fist in the air, and screamed:

"Let's party all night along!"

Shouts were heard all over the room, and the people, her classmates, slowly started to mingle with each other, cutting the cake and drinking. She watched them all with a genuine smile on her face. He wanted her to spend her life in fright and despair. She wouldn't do him this favour.

She walked towards her friends with the intention of having a good time before the inevitable.

During the next three hours, the pink-haired girl did not think even once about what awaited her.

Sakura watched with a half-smile as her friends had fun in their drunken haze. Lee was confessing to a pink pillow while Neji was trying to convince Ino that _yes_ , he was prettier than her, and that _no_ , he wasn't interested in her. Of course, that might have something to do with Tenten hiding behind the couch, not far away from the two, and watching (spying on) the pair not so discreetly, seeing as her two buns were visible, especially since she had tied them with bright red ribbons. Kiba was trying to kiss Akamaru, the scared dog running through the whole house to avoid his master's strange attempt at seduction, while Shino…must have definitely thought he was a bug, because there's no way he'd be waving his arms so fast, and running towards…the window?

"No, Shino, wait, the window is-"

CRASH!

"…Never mind…"

"YO, SAKURA-CHAN!"

Sakura turned around, not surprised in the least when a blond blur tackled her to the ground.

"ARE YOU HAVING FUN!? BECAUSE THAT PARTY IS AWESOME! AND HAVE YOU SEEN THE TEME? HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THERE BUT I DON'T SEE HIM! AND WHERE'S THE RAMEN, SAKURA-CHAN? YOU SAID THERE WOULD BE RAMEN! RAMEEEEN, RAAAAAAMEEEEEN! I WANT RAAA-"

A vein popped on Sakura's forehead, and before anyone knew it the blond had gone through the wall, and where there used to be an old painting, there was now a huge hole that looked like Naruto.

"That moron, always screaming! I'M RIGHT HERE, YOU KNOW! Baka…" Sakura mumbled, shaking her head, but unable to repress the smile on her lips. No matter what, Naruto could always make her smile. She didn't know what she would have done all these years if he hadn't been here, right by her side.

She looked at the clock. She had a bit less than thirty minutes; it was time to go.

She glanced at her friends, etching their images in her memory. That's how she wanted to remember them; she was glad that wish had been granted. She turned around and grabbed the handle, intent on getting outside. But before she could open the door, her most precious person called to her, shocking her out of her thoughts.

"Sakura."

"AAAHH! Sasuke-kun?"

"Hn."

" Don't surprise me like that! You know I hate it! And haven't we already made clear that 'hn' is not a word and never will be?"

Sasuke shrugged, before looking at her. He didn't know why, but he felt that something was wrong with her. She was dressed normally, had punched Naruto as usual, was now in an argument with Ino…then what was it? Why couldn't he shake off the impression that something was very wrong? Or about to turn very, very wrong?

He couldn't finish his thoughts, for Sakura was now coming back to him, mumbling to herself.

"Stupid Ino-pig…I thought we were over this already…how can she say that Sasuke would never choose m-"

"Sakura." He interrupted by taking a hold of her wrist.

"Huh? Sasuke? What is it?"

He didn't answer, choosing instead to drag her with him; he opened the door and led her towards the garden, to a more secluded place. The party was being hosted at Sasuke's house, which was more like a mansion. He bought it with his inheritance as soon as he could, and intended to rebuild his clan. As such, he'd need a big house, or so he said, but Naruto loved teasing him about the fact that he got scared whenever he was in a small room at Iruka's house, and that the reason for the big, unnecessary house, was merely because of his claustrophobic nature. Which Sasuke always denied vehemently.

They reached, at last, Sasuke's chosen place: the pond. Uchiha Mikoto had been very proud of her backyard, and Sasuke had tried to recreate it in his new house; he could never forget the happy memories he had of his family gathered together in the garden to feed the carp koi and all the snowmen he built with Itachi, Naruto and Sakura. That was probably the only memories of his past that weren't tainted.

He stopped, and faced Sakura, who was watching him silently, eyes softened with understanding. He had been lost in thoughts all the way here, and Sakura understood why. Thus, she kept gazing at him quietly, waiting for his attention to shift back to her. They looked at each other for a while before Sakura broke the contact, afraid he'd see in her emerald gaze all the truths she wanted to hide from him. She didn't want to burden him, and Sasuke had a knack for always knowing when she had a problem and didn't want her boys to find out. He always knew-and tonight would be no different. But although he would know something was wrong, he wouldn't know what.

She couldn't let him know.

"Do you ever think back to that night?" She asked softly, almost afraid he'd close himself and shut her away, like he did so many years ago. But unlike the past, tonight the time was right.

"Sometimes…in the middle of the night, when sleep evades me…I found myself thinking of the dark streets, and the shadows everywhere. I try to recall his face, but every time I draw a blank….It's like he never existed in the first place…"

The dark bangs framing his face were covering his eyes, but Sakura didn't need to see them to know he was frowning, once again trying to remember. Sakura gently took his hand, successfully distracting him, and his gaze softened, although anyone else would have missed it. She let her hand rest on his arm, wordlessly saying she understood him.

"That man's not worth it. Leave the past behind you, or you won't be able to create one, Sasuke-kun…"She whispered, gaze trained on the rippling water of the pond.

For the first years following this tragic night, Sasuke had tried desperately to find the murderer. But there was nothing; if Sasuke hadn't been there to testify he'd seen a man slaughtering everyone, the police could have believed the Uchiha clan had been struck with madness and murdered each other. There was no trace, nothing that proved there was another man that night; no weapons, no saliva, dirt, blood or anything that could have shown the man was there. And Sakura couldn't tell anything; first, because no one would believe her, and second…because if Sasuke had known a demon had slaughtered his entire family, he'd have tried everything to reach Hell and kill said demon, even if he had to lose everything in the process. She couldn't let him do that.

As she braced her self and met his eyes, ready to face his anger or anything, she was surprised to see not anger, but a mix of shock and…satisfaction?

It was gone before she could be certain, and as she opened her mouth to ask him about his reaction, he beat her to it.

"It's been a long time…since you last called me 'Sasuke-kun'." He whispered, an arrogant smirk showing on his face.

Sakura averted her eyes. She hadn't called him like that since…that night.

 _"Sasuke-kun…" The chid watched helplessly as her friend's body fell lifelessly on the ground. Unwanted tears burned her eyes and trailed down her cheeks. The murderer was still staring at her, sick amusement shining in his snake-like eyes. Then, a sadistic smirk made its way to his face; he'd just found a new way of amusing himself, without mindlessly killing the pink-haired child._

 _Not yet, at least._

 _"Do you want to save him, little one?"_

 _Sakura snapped her head up, startled. Against her better judgement, naïve hope filed her soul. She was but a child, after all._

 _"It's possible…?" she whispered, desperate to believe it._

 _The murderer grinned and crouched to next to her, grasping her chin in a mock comfort gesture._

 _"Of course." He answered, "But it has a price."_

 _The child panicked._

 _"I-I don't have any money! I can't-"_

 _But he shook his head._

 _"I don't need worthless human currency. What I will require…"_

 _He leaned in, mouth right by her ear as he uttered the words that would seal her fate:_

 _"…Is your life."_

Sakura avoided her eyes; it hurt to think about the reason she stopped calling him Sasuke-kun. She could remember exactly when she made her decision, in the hospital they sent Sasuke in right after the massacre, before he'd even woke up. She'd taken his hand, and whispered in his ear, knowing he'd never heard.

 _"I'm sorry, Sasuke-kun…I won't be by your side forever. But I want you to be happy, Sasuke-kun…because I'll never be. So, you have to be happy for the both of us, kay? And…I love you, but…since we won't have a future together…I can't let you reciprocate my feelings. Because you'd be even sadder when I leave…so…from now on…I'll keep my distance. So you can never fall for me…Sasuke."_

 _She kissed his cheek and left, tears in her eyes. She knew it was for the best._

She let go of his hand, and walked a few steps ahead. It was almost time.

"You should go back inside, Sasuke."

He glanced at her, confusion barely showing in his onyx eyes; why would she tell him to go back when she intended to stay out?

Seeing his confusion, and fearing he'd ask questions, Sakura quickly huffed.

"I don't need an arrogant jerk for company. Besides, you probably came outside just to escape all the noise inside."

She was desperate to make him leave. She did not want him to see.

But Sasuke did not react the way she hoped he would.

"Someone has to make sure you don't trip and hurt yourself. You're annoying, you know." He stated matter-of-factly, seemingly not taking offense at her calling him a jerk.

Sakura stiffened, before her shoulders slumped. A tired smile settled on her face. It could have looked like he was belittling her, but it wasn't. She knew the Uchiha language, now.

 _So he cares…_

When she did not react to his taunt, Sasuke turned to face her. And was shocked to see tears falling down her face. She hadn't cried before him since that night.

"Thank you, Sasuke."

"Huh?"

The Uchiha stared at her, confused. He didn't understand.

"Thank you for being here. It's easier this way."

DONG!

The clock struck midnight and Sakura stiffened, before the light vanished from her eyes. Her whole body shut down, as thought her life itself had been stolen away from her by a creature sent straight from hell. A young man with long black hair, glowing with a pale, transparent light that no mortal could ever see, watched sadly as the girl's bright soul unwillingly left her body before vanishing slowly from this world to the next, reluctant to move on. He whispered a quiet 'thank you' that no one could hear, and his gaze wandered to his brother's form, already shaking with fear. He'd give anything to be able to hug and comfort him; but as an angel, he was no longer allowed to do so. And, knowing his presence here was no longer needed, Itachi vanished from the earth.

Sakura's body fell lifelessly backward, and Sasuke caught her before she hit the ground. He shook her, trying to understand why she suddenly lost consciousness. He checked her pulse and when he found none, he did all he could to bring her back.

But she didn't react.

"Sakura..?" He asked, feeling his heart clenching with dread. He didn't like this.

His eyes met her dull, unseeing ones. A quiet voice in his heart whispered that she was gone, _gone_ , and that no amount of CPR would bring her back. There was nothing he or anyone else could do. He could see it in her eyes; her soul was gone.

She was dead.

Sasuke fell to his knees with her in his arms. It started raining, as though the sky itself was crying for her. He didn't care about being completely drenched. All that matter was that his friend, the only girl he'd ever loved…she was gone. And he didn't manage to tell her.

His bangs hid his face as he cried for the first time in ten years.

There was not a sound in the garden, apart from the rain. The devil had collected its price, and there was nothing left for Sasuke to do, apart from bringing home the body of his precious friend. He would never understand what happened that day, but he felt somehow that he had to let it go, even if years after the pain, the 'what if's still haunts him.

He'd always wondered if he could have done something, even if he inwardly knew he couldn't have. He had lost his best friend, one of the two people he cared the most about. One of the two people who had helped him deal with the pain, despite the many times he had pushed them away.

He was forever indebted to them. And now, he'd never be able to pay his debt to one of them.

He had never even thanked her for what she did.

He tightened his grip on her, cradling her lifeless body in his arms, while his shoulders shook with grief. He wanted to be strong. He had always wanted to. But it didn't felt right. He knows it's not what she'd have wanted.

A memory that had stayed buried in his mind resurfaced, a memory he had never tried to fully grasp, because it contradicted the reality he had lived and remembered. Because it didn't make any sense. And because, after all, he knew it was linked to her, in a way. How could he be alive when he distinctly remembered being pierced by a sword? And he had woken up in Sakura's arms, right before the police came. And he wasn't injured, despite the blood on his clothes, blood no one had bothered to check whom it belonged to. Because if they had, they would have realised something was wrong. How could it be Sasuke's blood when he had never been injured in the first place? And what was he doing outside- when the last thing he remembered was hiding in a closet?

There were too many things that didn't add up at the time. But no one, not even him, ever wondered what happened that day. It was too painful.

And now, on this lonely day of March, during the first hours of the day, with only the moon staring sorrowfully at the two stolen lives, Sasuke understood.

He understood that he wouldn't be here if not for her.

He understood that she had given him everything when he never asked for it; never noticed, never thanked her.

He understood that all this time he had always been mistaken.

He hadn't protected her.

She had protected him.

Faithfully, all these years, smiling through her tears, she had always known.

Always.

And she had never regretted it.

It's hard to let go of someone you love; it's harder when there are so many things left unsaid between the one who leaves and the one who stays. Life is made of departures and arrivals; an endless circle with no beginning. And we have to go through it no matter what; we suffer, we love, we smile, we laugh. All for the sake of our precious people. And we learn to move on even when it hurts so much you want to rip your own heart out. And we find happiness again.

Until the day we die.

And another takes our place, completing the circle. Such is the life we have to live.

But for now, the time is to grieve, grieve for the loss of a true friend; someone selfless enough to let go of her own life for someone else. This night, the 28th of March, a day that should have been happy, there was nothing to be heard in the deserted field.

Nothing but the quiet tears falling from the young man's cheeks.


	2. Apology

Chapter 2: Tears of Apology (I'm sorry)

 **Pairing:** Not really one. Characters aren't named on purpose.  
 **Type:** Tragedy  
 **Warning:** Character death, suicide, and short chapter. Somewhat AU.  
 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Naruto, or any of the characters.  
 **Inspiration:** Naruto shippuden episode 443. I was just thinking that if Sasuke's story was to happen to me, that would probably be the way I'd react.

Note that IN NO WAY am I making an apologia of suicide. All I'm saying is that we should try to understand a person's choice before judging. Because, yes, I believe suicide is wrong and is not the answer, but I can understand some people find life more painful than death, and I respect this.  
…but seriously, if you're thinking about doing it, talk to someone. I mean it.

Plus I was depressed when I wrote it, and I hesitated a while before publishing it, because I feel it's much, much darker than what I usually write. Because I always try to add some hope whenever I write, but be warned that here there is none.

 _Apology_

 _"No one commits suicide because they want to die."_  
 _"Then why do they do it?"_  
 _"Because they want to stop the pain."_

 _« I never wanted a daughter like you. A disgrace to the clan, a failure. You said you had changed, that you wanted to forge your own path…and that you would make me proud. I hoped, against my better judgement, that you could. I guess I shouldn't have trusted your words. All you succeeded in doing was jeopardizing Konoha's safety…for nothing. Stop trying to be something you will never be. You were always behind in everything…and you will always be."_

The words kept repeating in her head over and over again. _Failure, failure, failure…that's all I'll ever be, huh…._

She wandered aimlessly through the darkened streets of the once peaceful village. The lights turned off as she walked by, plunging her in a darkness no smaller than the one growing with every passing second in her heart. People shut their windows and changed their path once they caught sight of her, hatred and disgust mixed together in their eyes.

There was no pity for her last mistake.

Enough was enough. She had messed up one time too many, had messed with something bigger than her, that she couldn't control. She had been disowned by her clan, though no one said a thing; it was obvious enough, and worse, no one bothered to tell it to her face.

She was nothing, now. Nothing to anyone. Her mistake had been corrected by the ANBU, and her punishment had been left for the clan to decide.

She wasn't even worth seeing the Hokage.

Her bangs fell in her eyes, hiding her from the outside world.

Or rather, hiding the world from her.

She did not belong there anymore.

If anyone had bothered looking in her eyes, they would have seen the endless sorrow that had chased away all the life in her. They might have felt her pain, her quiet apology to the world. But then, they would have only seen what they wanted, yet another apology for her mistake, for almost destroying everything they held dear to their hearts. That's all they would see, and they wouldn't forgive her.

Maybe, if they had bothered looking deeper in her life, they would have understood. They would have seen the burning desire for recognition, for proving she wasn't useless. They might have understood she had always been under a pressure she couldn't bear, tried to be something she could never be; something she had to be, for the sake of being useful to the world.

But she could never be. She had tried for the last time today. In her eyes didn't lay an apology to the citizens.

There laid an apology to the world.

An apology for failing, yet again, to do something so many people had succeeded in before her.

An apology for not being strong enough.

An apology for being there.

An apology for existing.

The village opening came into view. The heavy doors would soon be closed off for the night, to prevent intruders from getting in.

Or failures from getting out.

Yet the guards didn't say a word as they watched her leave, unauthorized, the limits of her beloved village. Each one secretly thinking how better it would be if she'd just leave to never return.

And, unbeknownst to them, that was exactly what she intended to do.

 _"_ _..."_

 _The Hokage called, facing away from the young man kneeling before the desk. Had the Kage turned around, the leader would have seen the deep regret etched into the youth's face._

 _And would have seen that their features mirrored each other perfectly._

 _"_ _Follow her. She isn't an enemy to this village, but…I don't want to take any risks."_

 _There was a soft swish of air, and the lonely leader remained alone in the cold office. If only things had turned differently…the Kage knew she wasn't responsible. She was only trying to find her place in this world. But after this…the figure in the red attire wondered if anyone would ever forgive her. Perhaps it was best for everyone if she was sent away for a while. A long-term mission…and a private sensei; someone who'd understand her strength and let it shine. Someone who could coax her out of her sorrow, and disperse the loneliness of her soul._

 _A forehead touched the glass._

 _The figure could only hope everything would turn out for the best._

Her thoughts took her to a place she knew well: the Nakano river, where it was only a small stream; where, as a child, she used to come swimming with her friends from the academy. Such memories were so distant, now. She would never go swimming here again.

She reached her hand to her forehead, and her headband protector fell into her open palm. The Konoha leaf…a symbol she had been so proud of wearing. Her first success, when she passed the genin exams…she foolishly thought then that the worst was behind her. That she would finally be a shinobi, start protecting her village, start doing things right…how wrong she was. All she had ever done led to today, to this place and nowhere else. It could never be anywhere else.

She had been a fool to think otherwise.

She turned the metal plate in her hand. She couldn't turn her back on her village, but she could do…this. Taking a kunai out from her weapon pouch, she carved a few kanjis in the metal. Kanjis only the one who'd find her would see.

She hoped someone would understand the way she felt that night. How desperate she was. Was she asking for too much? Just one thing right…that would have been enough for her. To know she was capable of doing something good for this world.

That would have been enough.

The plate still in hand, she shrugged off her vest, boring her clan's symbol. She wasn't worthy of wearing it, now.

She held it above the current. That vest had been given to her the day she had come back from the genin exams. The day she had become worthy of being called a true member of her clan. Her father had given it to her…and now she was taking it off.

She wouldn't need it, anyway. Not where she was going.

She wouldn't take anything with her, except her cursed existence.

It would be better this way.

The vest fell in the river, disappearing in the darkness. Maybe some child would find it, a thousand miles from here, and take it. It would probably be more useful to someone else.

She smiled bitterly. A piece of cloth would be more useful than her.

It had always been this way. She was always the burden they had to bear. The one nobody wanted on his team, because she was a failure.

No, she was worse. You can pity someone who never succeeds.

You don't pity a pawn that can't do its job.

You discard it.

And replace it.

Because it's not valuable.

And maybe it has never be.

A wolf howled to the moon far away from here, and the kunoichi understood it was time. She had waited long enough.

And the figure hidden in the shadows must have had enough of her staying there. She would save him the trouble of doing what he had probably been instructed to do.

 _He watched as the girl slowly took a kunai out of her weapon pouch, before letting go of the brown container that had followed her for the past ten years or so. It lay motionless on the grass, forgotten; just like its owner._

She kneeled on the cold, unforgiving ground. There was no snow to be seen on this 17th December. The land of Fire was too warm for the white miracle to happen.

She had seen the snow, when she was little. Her family had travelled far away from home, and she had witnessed the snow falling for a whole week. The child-like innocence she once had had immediately dimmed the phenomenon a miracle, a present from the gods themselves, despite the explanation she had been given afterwards. She had spent the night watching as quiet flakes fell from the heavens, a thousand stars dancing on the midnight sky. And at the time, she had wondered how so many tiny things could fall together to create the amazing landscape she'd find on the morning.

It remained a memory she treasured in her mind, and up to now she had always prayed for it to happen at her home.

But she had no home, now.

There would be no miracle for her tonight.

The kunai was raised into the air; right above her stomach. There was no turning back now.

 _I'm sorry, father. Sorry I couldn't be what you wanted me to become. I'm sorry I was such a disgrace to our clan. I'm sorry I was such a burden for all these years. I know once I leave this world, no one will ever know about my pathetic existence. I know the children won't remember the once heiress of a proud clan who had turned out to be such a disappointment. I know my name will be erased from every book. Soon, it will be as though I never existed._

 _But it's okay._

 _Because it's how it should have been since the beginning._

 _I'm sorry._

 _A single tear rolled down her face, and the kunai plunged towards its target. He jumped as fast as he could, running towards her, towards the kunai, towards her life in mortal danger. He fell to the ground, not breaking his course and run to her. Everything seemed slow, so slow, the kunai kept its unforgiving course, so close to her skin now, the trail of blood ready to flow from the soon-to-be wound, shimmering treacherously beneath the surface._

 _He extended his hand, reached for the kunai, brushed it with his fingers and-_

Did nothing. He was back in his tree, watching with blank eyes, as the kunai tore through flesh and organs like it was nothing.

A soft exhale was heard, and nothing else.

Blood pearled on her lips and rolled down to her chin, mirroring the tear's path earlier, in a darker reflection. Her body fell backward and rested against the tree, silent witness of this night's tragedy. The headband fell from her hand, the Konoha leaf facing the ground. A single blood trail fell on the metal plate, as though she had cried tears of blood. The ANBU dropped from the tree he was in and approached her, a distinct edge to his usually so steady steps.

He didn't know why he didn't interfere.

Maybe it was the solemn atmosphere of the place, the way it felt like a sacrilege to interrupt something so beautifully courageous, so darkly tragic. Maybe it was the strange echo her decision had made in his heart, knowing he had once been as helpless as her; even he had had no right to rid the world of his presence, since it needed him.

The world had saved him, and had condemned her.

Or maybe it was the last look she sent him, pleading him to understand how tired she was of living- of trying. Maybe it was that last look of utter despair that had stopped him in his tracks, understanding her need for a peace she couldn't achieve in this world.

The night was quiet as he silently wished her good luck on her journey to peace. He was maybe the only one able to understand how she truly felt as that kunai was poised above her skin, the only one who could see the true her, the courageous girl who had decided, in her darkest hour, to let go of her attachment to the world. Because people tend to forget that for those who have honour, letting go is as painful as staying strong.

No one had the right to judge her.

Because no one knew how she felt inside.

One could always say that she should have been strong and endure, like so many people before her. But those are wrong; everyone is unique. Everyone has its strength and its weaknesses. Why would one be able to do what the other can? They are not the same; they can't do the same things. Life is this way. She had been strong enough to make a choice, even if to those who cared about her it wasn't the right one. If life is more painful than death, why would you force someone to live? Because, according to you, it is right? That's being so selfish. Maybe it's wrong, maybe it's a mistake. But they should have tried to see things from her eyes before judging. Maybe they would have understood her desire to leave.

He walked closer and closed her eyes. She would never see anything else, now. The people around her had taken everything away from her; they were as responsible for her death as the kunai resting in her hand.

 _They were all to blame._

As he picked her body up, his eyes caught the shining plate of metal lying on the ground. Her blood had splattered on it, but the inscription was clear.

And it spoke louder than a thousand words could ever have.

 _ごめんなさい_ _\- gomen'nasai_

 _I'm sorry._


End file.
